Lauren (fictious name) left behind a prosperous life when she moved to the U.S. to marry her husband, Rob (fictious name), an American citizen. She had high hopes of building a life together rooted in what she believed to be their shared values, their Christian faith, and yearning for a family. It wasn’t long after her arrival, however, that she began to see the Rob she married did not behave the same as the Rob who courted her online for two years.
As a successful college-educated designer living and working in a country outside of her country of birth, Lauren was settled in her professional life and happy. The only pieces missing were marriage and a family. Hoping to meet someone compatible to her and equally as interested in pursuing a serious relationship, she began dating online and eventually met Rob.
High hopes
The couple maintained a steady relationship through video chats, peppered with a couple of in-person meetings in her country of origin that included both of their families. Heartened with how much she liked his parents and how well they seemed to be getting along, Lauren took the step to leave her career to move to California to marry.
A change in disposition
Soon after moving in with him, she found out Rob was talking to another woman, someone whom he dated in the past. He offered an emotional apology, which she accepted, and they moved forward and married.
Lauren expected that after the marriage she would get her footing and Rob would help her adjust to life in their small city. He was reluctant to do this and made it clear he wanted her to stay home.
Her days were filled with cooking and cleaning. He refused to give her a house key. When she asked for an ATM card so she could go to the store to buy groceries, he refused that as well. She was almost completely cut off from communications as she could only use her mobile phone via a nearby Wi-Fi connection. He did not add her to his plan, nor did he allow her request for a landline.
Isolated and dependent
She was isolated and financially dependent on Rob. Although he complained about her financial dependence, he did nothing to help enable her to find work.
His verbal abuse and haranguing of her increased. He called out every perceived household issue, the cost of every expense, including medicine when she felt ill. Lauren left the house several times to seek respite by staying with friends she met through Rob, but she always returned.
During an argument about photos of a woman she saw on his phone, he hit her. Lauren reported the incident to the police but after a few weeks, he contacted her, apologetic and offering to attend counseling, so she decided not to press charges.
Serious illness triggers angered response
Life became calm until she started to feel ill again, with a high fever. She asked Rob to take her to a doctor, but he angrily refused and said he didn’t want to have another bill to pay.
Lauren reached out to a nurse friend for help. When Rob found out, he accused her of making him look bad, like he wasn’t a good husband.
Remembering his previous physically violent behavior towards her, she packed her bags and left, moving into a domestic violence shelter. While at the shelter, she was diagnosed with leukemia. She started a period of treatment and care and was kindly taken into the home of Rob’s parents, who lived near the treatment facility.
Turning to CLA SoCal
It was when she was in remission from the leukemia that she came to CLA SoCal seeking help. She’d received notice that she was on the verge of being deported and did not know what to do. Immigration attorney Mahsa Maleki took her case and helped with her response to the Notice of Intent to Terminate her conditional green card.
Because she did not have spousal or familial support in the U.S., she had become homeless. As part of the holistic services CLA SoCal offers clients, case manager Abigail Resendiz-Zuñiga assisted her in finding shelter, worked with her on her resume, and supported her through the process of job searching.
Rebuilding and new hopes
Now settled in a small city near where she once lived with Rob, she is regaining her self-sufficiency and independence. Her permanent resident green card was approved this year, her leukemia remains in remission, and she has begun an online business for which she uses her proven skills and talent as a designer and artist.
